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Sex

Can I get pregnant if I have sex during my period?

Unfortunately, pregnancies have occurred from unprotected intercourse at any point in a woman's cycle.

Though not a very reliable method of birth control, your fertile days can be calculated by the calendar method. Your first "possibly fertile" day can be determined by using the length of your shortest menstrual cycle, and subtracting 20. The last "possibly fertile" day is found by using the length of the longest cycle, and subtracting 10. Thus, if a woman's cycle length varies from 22 to 29 days, her fertile period ranges approximately from day 2 to day 19 (day 1 being the first day of menses). If she has her menses for 7 days, she will be fertile for 5 days during her period!

Can people with disabilities have sexual relationships?

The short answer is yes, absolutely! The slightly longer answer is that the type of sexual activity will often vary slightly depending on the type of disability. In fact, each persons medical condition should be reviewed individually by a healthcare provider so that specific recommendations can be made. The most important thing to remember is that EVERY person, regardless of the disability they possess, is capable of some level of participation in a sexual relationship. This may take a bit more patience and creativity than a so-called normal relationship, but can be a fulfilling part of a healthy partnership.

Can you get infections or pregnant from anal sex?

Many sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be transmitted through anal sex. This includes chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, genital warts, HIV, hepatitis, syphilis, and trichomonas. The risk is present with female-female, male-female and male-male anal intercourse, and can be decreased if you use condoms.

The risk of pregnancy from anal sex is incredibly low. However, there is always a possibility of pregnancy when sperm are anywhere near the genital organs. It is less likely if the male partner ejaculates while in the rectum. However, if any semen leaks from the anus, it is possible to have some enter the vagina. Also, if the male pulls out and ejaculates near the vagina, some sperm may get inside. Again, using condoms with anal intercourse will decrease the chance of becoming pregnant, as well as decrease the chances of getting an STI. A second, more reliable form of birth control (like the birth control pill) should also be used for improved protection.

Can you get pregnant from pre-ejaculate fluid?

Yes it is possible to get pregnant even when ejaculation doesn't occur in the vagina because sperm may be present in the pre-ejaculation fluid.

Withdrawal of the male penis from the vagina prior to ejaculation (coitus interuptus) is associated with a high failure rate.

Withdrawal does not protect against sexually transmitted infections or HIV thus condom use is strongly recommended.

Can you recommend sexual intercourse positions that would be more comfortable during the latter stage of pregnancy?

Late in pregnancy, the weight of the baby might be uncomfortable for the woman when lying on her back. It might also be uncomfortable to lean forward in any way. Also, a woman might not be very mobile because of the extra weight. Positions with women on her side with the male partner approaching from the front or back are typically more comfortable. Using a comfortable inclined chair with the woman lying back and the male on his knees on the ground between her legs may also be comfortable. For the male partner it is probably more an issue of attitude toward healthy sex than actual positions. Some men express concern that their penis might be too close to their unborn child's head. There may also be a concern that sex could harm the baby or cause the mother to go into labour early, but there is no evidence that any of this is true.

Do certain types of mental illness have an effect on your sex life?

Sex and sexuality involve the mind and the body. Any problem with either can have an effect on your sex life. Depression, which is one of the most common mental illnesses, tends not to affect the sex drive but often diminishes the pleasure experienced. Bipolar disease, also known as manic depressive disorder, has been reported to cause an increase in sexual activity and some promiscuity when those afflicted are in the manic phase. Very often, medications used to treat mental disorders can decrease your sex drive. Alcohol or other recreational drugs can also cause increased or decreased desire for sex and can cause problems with maintaining an erection, as well as arousal issues for women. Addiction to these substances can cause prolonged sexual problems. On occasion, people will sometimes replace one of these addictions with an addiction to sex.

Does every woman bleed when having intercourse for the first time?

No. In fact, the majority of women do not have bleeding when they first have sexual intercourse.

It depends on your own body. If you can insert tampons or fingers easily, you probably won't have problems, providing that your first sexual intercourse is gentle.

Does it hurt a woman the first time she has sex?

It depends. If she feels really comfortable with the idea of having sex and feels relaxed and aroused, then it probably won't be painful, providing her partner is gentle and listens to her needs. If a girl feels anxious about pregnancy or is scared or uncertain about her partner, these feelings may make her tense and it may hurt when the penis enters her vagina.

Lots of couples use a water-based lubricant when they have intercourse, particularly for the first time.

Every time I have sex I release a large amount of liquid. It is not urine. This happens once the penis is inserted. How can I stop this and what is it?

This fluid is a normal part of the female sexual response. It is mostly water and other proteins that help lubricate the vagina and make intercourse easier. You can not stop it from being made, and in fact intercourse would be quite uncomfortable without the fluid being there.

If the discharge is there at other times and particularly if it is associated with a foul odour, itch, or skin irritation, it could be due to a sexually transmitted infection (STI). In that circumstance, it would be important to see a health care professional to get this checked out.

How can you prevent a man from ejaculating too soon?

Lack of control over the timing of ejaculation is a common problem for men. It affects 30% of men under the age of 25 and 10% of men over the age of 25. These men consistently ejaculate more quickly than they or their partners want them to during intercourse, thus the term rapid or premature ejaculation. Ejaculation may occur immediately prior to or just after insertion of the penis into the partner, without any sense of voluntary control.

Causes of premature ejaculation include over-stimulation, anxiety over sexual performance, and stress. It may also be due to a male's lack of awareness of the preliminary sensations that lead to orgasm, making him unable to control the process leading to ejaculation.

There are several possible solutions to dealing with premature ejaculation:



  • The stop-start method works to make a man more aware of his sensations as he is approaching orgasm. His partner manually stimulates his penis while he focuses on his sensations. When he feels that orgasm is approaching, he has his partner stop the stimulation. The extreme sexual tension will be diffused, and then the partner can begin restimulation. Once the couple becomes proficient at this, then the procedure is applied to intercourse.


  • The squeeze technique is commonly performed with the premature ejaculator laying down. His partner stimulates the genital area until the penis is erect, then squeezes the penis for 3-4 seconds by holding the penis with the thumb on the ridge between the head and shaft, and the first two fingers situated on either side of the ridge opposite the thumb. This squeeze eliminates the desire for ejaculation. This technique should be repeated several times during genital stimulation, so that foreplay can continue without ejaculation. Once mastered, this method can be used in intercourse when the man's partner inserts his penis and sits on top of him motionless. When he feels close to ejaculation, his partner lifts off of his penis and administers a squeeze, then returns to the sitting position. Over time this results in ejaculatory control.


  • Condoms provide protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. However, they may also help to delay ejaculation in males who have trouble with premature ejaculations.



A sex therapist may be able to help men and/or couples work on the problem of premature ejaculation if these techniques are not helpful.

How do I deal with a partner whose sexual drive does not match that of my own?

We call this discrepant libidos. This is a common cause for relationship problems, particularly for people who have trouble communicating with their partner. It can be a win/ lose situation that inevitably turns into a lose/lose situation. That is, the partner who has the higher drive feels hurt and rejected when sex does not happen and the partner with lower drive feels pressured and resentful at having to perform when they don't feel up to it. The best solution is usually for both partners to reach a compromise. The higher-drive partner should understand that each person has their own natural sex drive and should not feel rejected when their drive doesn't fall in line with their partner's. Finding non-sexual romantic ways to boost their partner's libido may also prove helpful. Dealing with the libidinal feelings by masturbating or redirecting is another approach. For the partner with the lower drive, it is important to understand that their partner is not trying to pressure them. Responding to some of the non-sexual cues may help enhance their sex drive. Many times, simply being with their partner, holding them while they masturbate or masturbating them is an acceptable alternative that doesn't require full-blown sexual involvement. If there is a large discrepancy, such as one partner wanting sex every night of the week and the other only once a week, they could agree to engage in sex twice or three times a week. Often this requires more of an attitude change than a physical change.

How do I know when my partner and I are ready for sex?

This is a really important question and one that does not have a simple answer. To know that answer, youll likely have to ask yourselves several more questions. The first thing to think about is Why am I thinking of having sex? Is it because of peer pressure? To impress your friends? To keep up with the crowd?

Sex should never be just because. So much of what is gossiped about at school or work is just that - gossip. What does your partner think about this? Do they want to have sex too? Do they feel like they are ready? Are you and your partner able to talk openly about your feelings about sex? Do you feel pressured by your partner? You should never feel forced to have sex with anyone. Although sex is great with the right person at the right time, there is always the possible consequence of pregnancy. Have you had an open discussion about birth control and pregnancy? Have you both been tested for sexually transmitted infections? If not, are you prepared to reduce your risk of STIs by the use of a condom?

As you can see, there are a lot of things should be discussed and understood before having sex. Sex can be a fantastic experience between you and your partner, but its still a big decision and one that shouldnt be taken too lightly.

How do I use a lubricant? I have trouble being lubricated enough before having sex and so intercourse sometimes hurts. I would like to try using a lubricant.

There are a number of lubricants available, for example Astroglide, Aqua Lube, or KY-Jelly (which are water-based lubricants). If you are using latex condoms, a diaphragm, or a cervical cap, you should only ever use water-based lubricants. Petroleum-based lubricants such as Vaseline are NOT safe to use -- they can degrade the latex in condoms and diaphragms.

Either partner may apply the lubricant directly to the penis, or it may be applied to the woman's genitals, either externally or inside the vagina. The lubricant can be squirted on directly or can be poured into the hand or on the fingertips and then applied. Additional lubricant can be used as needed during intercourse.

There's no right or wrong way to use lubricants. Experiment with what works best for you. Applying lubricant can even be a part of foreplay. Remember, though, that lubricants are not spermicides and therefore do not help to prevent pregnancy.

I am 49 years old and have not had a period for 1 year. I have been married for 30 years, and have hated sex, at least until now. Two months ago I woke up extremely aroused, and it has not let up. My husband loves it, but even he can't satisfy me. Only a half hour after having sex, I am aroused again. I can't sleep at night and can't concentrate during the day. It is totally taking over my life.

It certainly does sound like too much of a good thing. It is common in relationships for one partner to want sex more than the other, and this can wax and wane throughout the relationship. And it can be a big problem when the sex drives are very different.

One thing you didn't mention is whether or not you are having orgasms with your husband. If you are not, that could explain why you are still so aroused. Or maybe you need more than one orgasm now. After (or during) sex with your husband spend some time showing him how you like to be touched, and what turns you on. Many women do not have an orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, and need extra digital or oral stimulation to climax. Communication is key. While he is no doubt enjoying this for himself, remember he wants to satisfy you as well.

If he truly can't keep up with you, or even if he can, consider masturbating to take the "edge" off your newly revved-up sex drive. Having an orgasm before bed can help you sleep, and first thing in the morning it may help you to focus on your busy day without being distracted. You may want to buy a vibrator; these have become much more mainstream now and there are many models available. You can buy them discreetly on-line, or in upscale boutiques.

There are also some hormonal changes going on. When a woman becomes menopausal, the ovaries stop producing estrogen. Ovaries continue to produce testosterone into menopause, and although the amount differs between individuals, it tends to decrease as we get older. (Many women complain of a reduction in sex drive after menopause.) Testosterone, a "male" hormone, is thought to be largely responsible for libido. The actions of estrogen and testosterone tend to oppose each other, so now that you're not producing estrogen, this could mean that your testosterone now has relatively more influence. Some signs of testosterone excess include oily skin and acne, excess hair growth on the face, rapid loss of scalp hair, voice deepening or muscles becoming bulkier. If you have any of those symptoms, see your doctor who can check your testosterone level to make sure it is within normal limits.

Menopause can also bring about changes in your life that can contribute to you feeling sexier. You no longer have to worry about periods or pregnancy, which can be a big relief for some women. Many couples are more financially secure. And if your kids have recently moved out of your house, you are probably feeling a freedom you have not felt in years. Enjoy it!

You can also talk to your family doctor or gyneacologist about this - they will probably be more understanding than you think. One note of caution: if in the future you do end up having a new sex partner, use condoms to protect yourself from infection. Sexually transmitted infections are a lot more common now than when you got married, and even "nice" men your age may have one and not know.

I find that I lose much of my sexual inhibition when under the influence of alcohol. Why is that?

There have been a few medical studies on this subject but the results are somewhat confusing. The largest study on non-alcoholic women found that 'female-initiated sexual activity occurred twice as often without alcohol versus with alcohol.' This seems to be the opposite of what you would expect. Another study found that 'the higher the blood alcohol level the greater the depressant effect on the orgasmic response, including longer time needed to achieve orgasm and diminished intensity of the feeling.' The same study found that with alcohol there was greater arousal and pleasure associated with orgasm. Obviously, this is somewhat contradictory. Common sense would suggest that since most of your inhibitions are diminished with alcohol, your sexual inhibitions should not be any different.

I have a tilted cervix and find some positions during sexual intercourse uncomfortable. Can you recommend positions that would be more comfortable and at the same time enjoyable for both myself and my partner?

There are many different opinions about this question. Often a uterus that is tilted backwards rather than forwards (as the majority tend to be), is blamed for many problems. Some physicians feel that this 'tilting' does not cause pain during intercourse. Others do believe it can cause pain, and in the past we would even have done surgery to try and correct the position. These days, that surgery is extremely uncommon. Some women find the penis bumping against the cervix to be pleasurable and others find it uncomfortable or even painful. If you are experiencing pain, a doctor's exam can tell you which way your cervix is tilted and then it is simply a matter of finding positions that reduce the amount of penis to cervix contact. Often, having intercourse with the male behind the female can prevent the penis from touching the cervix. Also, when the woman is very aroused the vagina tends to balloon out and this might be sufficient to keep distance between the cervix and penis.

I have heard that it is important for women to go to the bathroom after sex. Why?

Some women are prone to developing bladder infections when they have sex. This is due to bacteria that normally live in the vagina being introduced into the urethra (the tube draining the bladder) during intercourse. One of the ways to help prevent infection is to urinate (pee) within a few minutes after having sex. This helps flush out any bacteria that may be there.

Some women who are trying to become pregnant may avoid going to the bathroom because they want to prevent semen from leaking out of their vagina. They stay in bed or put a pillow under their hips. However, leakage of part of the semen is normal and there is no medical evidence that suggests preventing leakage makes any difference to pregnancy rates. Most of the ejaculate gets released at the top of the vagina during intercourse and sperm are often in the uterus within minutes of ejaculation. There is no need to stay in bed for a prolonged time after intercourse before going to the toilet.

Is anal sex healthy?

Anal sex is when a penis (or dildo) is inserted into someone's anus.

Anal sex is healthy, but it does pose more risks because it can be easier to contract disease. A condom should always be used, with plenty of water-based lubricant.

Many couples prefer to have anal sex because a woman can't become pregnant through anal sex. For both partners, it also feels very different from vaginal sex.

Is it normal for a woman to discharge a clear fluid when experiencing an intense orgasm?

Yes, there are glands which lubricate the vagina that will often secrete small amounts of fluid during sexual excitement or orgasm. But some women do not experience female ejaculation.

Is it OK to have sex during my period? Is it safer?

You can certainly have sex during your period, if you and your partner both want to. Some people don't like having sex when there is bleeding, but that is a personal preference, or a religious belief for some; in the Jewish faith there is a rule against sex during menstruation. There is no medical reason to avoid sex during your period.

Theoretically, if you are having a normal period, and have regularly-timed cycles, there may be less chance of pregnancy. But women can and do get pregnant during their periods. If you bleed for a long time, or your cycles are short, ovulation could occur even though you are still bleeding. In addition, women sometimes get an episode of "breakthrough" bleeding at other times in their cycle when they may be fertile. You also need to consider that sperm can live in a woman's reproductive tract for up to a week. Therefore, the safest thing to do is to always use a reliable method of contraception, unless you want to risk a pregnancy.

Having sex during your period does NOT reduce the risk of transmission of sexually transmitted infections so always use condoms to protect yourself unless you and your partner have both tested negative for STIs AND are in a monogamous relationship.

Is it safe to have sex in a bathtub or in a pool? If we use a condom, would it be damaged?

Underwater sex - whether in the pool, hot tub, ocean, lake, river, shower, or bath - isn't considered a safer sex option. Here's why:



  • Spermicide is likely to "wash off" or wash away in water.
    Water containing chemicals, salt, or bacteria can be forced into the vagina or rectum during sex, possibly causing irritation, infection, or temporary dryness.


  • Since it's recommended to store latex condoms away from direct sunlight, it's possible that heated water may have a similar effect on latex.


  • Water can seep between the condom and the penis, possibly causing the condom to slip off.


  • Oil-based products - such as sun block, tanning lotion, shampoo, conditioner, and soap - and possibly even chlorine cause latex condoms to deteriorate.


Condoms aren't typically tested in pools or hot tubs, or with chemicals found in these hot, wet places. Of course, using a condom in a pool or hot tub is better than not using one at all.

Is it safe to have sex when you are pregnant?

Unless there are complications with the pregnancy, it is safe to have sex during pregnancy. However, both partners must be comfortable with this decision.

Pregnancy may present challenges to sex and a couple's enjoyment of it - hormonal changes, mood changes, nausea, physical discomfort, weight gain, and changes in energy levels may affect both desire and enjoyment of sex.

Some couples find that experimenting with different sexual positions is helpful while other couples find other ways to have pleasure if one of the partners does not want to have intercourse.

It is important that a couple remains open with one another throughout the pregnancy and communicate their feelings. It is also suggested that you discuss this further with your health care provider to determine what is most appropriate for you.

Is it wrong to have fantasies about someone else during sex? Should I share this with my partner?

No, it is not wrong to fantasize during sex. In fact, it's healthy if it heightens your pleasure. Fantasy is exactly thata fantasy or daydream or sexual activity confined to the mind. It is not reality and only you have the choice of making it real or keeping it a private act. Most people fantasize. What you choose to fantasize about is entirely your business. Most people do not share their fantasies with other people. If the fantasy becomes an obsession that is disruptive in any way, then obviously it is not healthy. This tends to be a problem for only a very small group of people. As for whether to share your fantasy with your partner, it's a matter of personal choice. If you think sharing will improve your sex life, and your partner is secure enough to accept your fantasy, then go ahead and share. If you think that sharing might be threatening to your partner and might affect your relationship then keep it to yourself and enjoy it. You might be surprised about the fantasies your partner is having.

Is sex more pleasurable for boys than for girls?

No. Males and females have an equal ability to enjoy sex. A satisfying sexual relationship relies on both partners to be considerate of each other and to explore what types of sexual touching and activities feel best.

Sometimes it hurts when I'm having sex with my boyfriend. I know I'm well-lubricated so that is not the problem. What is causing it and is there anything I can do about it?

There are many causes for pain during intercourse including vaginismus, the involuntary muscle spasms in the vagina, infection, insufficient lubrication, and endometriosis. There are effective treatments for all of these problems and you should ask your family doctor. The doctor may be able to determine what the problem is and treat it, or they can refer you to a gynaecologist who can help.

Sometimes it takes a long time to reach orgasm or sometimes I don't have one at all. Is this caused by a physical or psychological problem?

Sexual activity, including orgasm, is influenced by body and mind. On certain occasions, your body might be present but your mind is absent. In other words, you might not always be as excited as you could be. If you are distracted by other events in your life or are having relationship problems, you may not achieve orgasm as easily or you may not be able to have one at all. This happens to both males and females. Occasionally, there may be a physical problem that prevents you from attaining orgasm, but this happens very rarely. When this is the case, it is usually accompanied by other signals such as pain or difficulty during the actual act of intercourse. Medications might also affect your drive for sex and as a result make orgasm more difficult to achieve. Some people may never have experienced orgasm, but - often with some guidance - almost all of those people find they can.

Sometimes when my boyfriend is giving me oral sex, he blows air into my vagina - is this safe?

Blowing air into the vagina, or vaginal insufflation, can cause serious problems in pregnant women, but it rarely harms those who are not. An air embolism occurs when the air gets into blood vessels through the lining of the uterus. This complication can be fatal, so a sexual partner should never blow into the vagina of a pregnant woman.

Vaginal insufflation can also cause problems when air under pressure travels from the vagina through the cervix, uterus and fallopian tubes into the abdominal cavity. Air irritates the abdominal cavity and can cause serious pain and a phenomenon called "free air"-but that is more commonly associated with a hole in the gastrointestinal tract, a problem that generally requires surgery for treatment. Free air from vaginal insufflation only requires observation rather than surgery, but there have been multiple cases of women receiving unnecessary surgeries because the history of their sexual activities was not known.

What is the G-spot?

The G-spot is also known as the "Grafenberg" spot, after the first physician who described the area.

The term refers to an erogenous area on the anterior wall of the vagina, approximately one third upwards from the introitus. Though the G-spot is much described, its actual physical presence remains controversial.

When can my partner and I stop using condoms?

A person's HIV test may be negative for up to three months following the time of contact (viral transmission). For this reason, it is recommended that you always use a condom for the first 3 months of a monogamous relationship. After three months, if you and your partner both test negative for STI's and HIV, then you may consider not using condoms provided you are using an appropriate method of birth control and that you both remain monogamous.

One thing to think about: not everybody is 100% truthful. If you stop using condoms and either you or your partner has an extra-relationship affair, you may be at risk for STI's/HIV and the need for condoms may arise again. Some couples find it better for their own peace of mind to continue using condoms throughout a relationship - for ongoing STI/HIV protection and pregnancy prevention.

When is it OK to have sex after your baby is born?

The simple answer is - you can resume sexual relations when you start to feel like it again! Having sex too soon isn't harmful, but can be uncomfortable! Theoretically, in the first week after delivery, while the cervix is still open, sex without a condom could increase infection in the uterus by normal vaginal bacteria. Most women wait a couple weeks to months. It will depend on the type of delivery, whether or not you have stitches in your vagina, and if so how bad the tear was. Breastfeeding can decrease a woman's estrogen level, potentially leading to vaginal dryness and discomfort with sex. The first time you and your partner have sex, it is important to take your time and indulge in foreplay to ensure you are aroused and lubricated. Have some lubricant on hand in case this is necessary. Penetration should be gentle, as there may be some tightness or pulling from scarring around the vagina (even if your stitches have completely healed).

An important consideration will be birth control - unless you want to have another baby right away! A woman can get pregnant weeks after having a baby, even if her period has not yet returned. "Lactational amenorrhea" is a natural form of birth control for breastfeeding women but it is only effective in certain circumstances. If you are breastfeeding exclusively (i.e. no supplements), your baby is less than 6 months old, and your period has not yet returned, this method is more than 98% effective. Many women use condoms, at least temporarily until a more permanent method can be started. The contraceptive sponge should not be used if there is vaginal bleeding due to the rare risk of toxic shock syndrome. Other vaginal barrier methods such as the diaphragm or cervical cap cannot be properly fitted until 6 weeks postpartum when the pelvic structures have returned to normal. Likewise, intrauterine devices are generally not inserted until six weeks or later. Progestin-only methods like the injection (Depo-Provera) or the "mini-pill" are considered safe for breastfeeding women and their babies, although a small amount of the hormone does get into the milk. Combined hormonal contraceptives (pill, patch or ring) can be started after 3 or 4 weeks if a woman is not breastfeeding, or no earlier than 6 weeks if she is because these estrogen-containing methods can decrease the amount of milk.

Why do guys like sex so much?

Guys like sex for the same reason that almost everyone likes sex - because it feels good!

Society portrays men as being sex-obsessed, and this is an image some guys feel they need to live up to.

Sex plays an important role in a lot of relationships, but not everyone is obsessed with sex. Some men and women may be more interested in open and honest communication, touching, hugging and other expressions of affection that don't involve intercourse.

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