sexualityandu.ca - Your Link to Sexual Well-Being
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Are sperm alive? How long can they live? Can they live outside the human body?

Yes, sperm are definitely alive. They are single cells with a head, body, and tail. They contain half of the usual amount of DNA found in human cells so that when they combine with an egg both the sperm and the egg contribute equal amounts of genetic material to the embryo. Sperm can live for up to a week in the female reproductive tract. Outside the body, they can live for several hours if kept at body temperature. Sperm can be preserved by freezing. Donor sperm can be frozen for months to years to allow the donor to be screened for diseases that may appear slowly like HIV/AIDS. Once the sperm sample is known to be safe it can be used to inseminate a woman.

Can parents help set sexual limits?

It's helpful when talking to your teens about contraception and sexuality to remember that human beings engage in a wide range of sexual behaviours from holding hands, to kissing, hugging, caressing, mutual masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, and intercourse. Sometimes parents find themselves talking with young people about sex without being very specific about what they mean.

If you say to your son or daughter, "You're too young to have sex, you shouldn't do it until you're more mature" you may be sending a very vague and confusing message.

Talking about the range of sexual behaviours can help your daughter or son to decide on which behaviours they are ready for and which ones they are not ready for. This is called "sexual limit setting". It doesn't have to be all or nothing. One area of discussion with your son or daughter might be where on this range of behaviours they want to set their limit. A young person with a clear sense of where their limits are in terms of their sexual behaviour may be less likely to do something they will regret later or end up doing something they really didn't intend to.

Can you provide information on the drug "Roofies" used on victims of date rape?

Roofies is a nickname for ROHYPNOL. Other nicknames include rophies, ropies, ruffies, la rocha, roofenol, roche, Mexican Valium, rib and rope. It is a very potent tranquilizer and is not legally available in Canada or the USA. It has a sedative effect including muscle relaxation and amnesia (memory loss). It takes effect in 20 to 30 minutes after dosage and lasts approximately 8 hours. It is used as a cheap alternative to alcohol and as a cure for hangovers. Most often, it is used in combination with alcohol and other drugs. When used in date-rape crimes, it has the effect of sedating the victim and often there is very little memory of the event. The drug, produced as a pill, can be crushed up and quickly dissolved into a drink. Unlike other drugs used in date-rape crimes, Rohypnol is colourless, odourless and tasteless when dissolved in liquid. It is a dangerous drug and can be addictive. Withdrawal symptoms include headache, muscle pain, confusion, hallucinations and convulsions.

How can I be comfortable talking to my kid about sex?

There may be times when a parent will feel a little (or a lot) uncomfortable or embarrassed discussing sexuality with their children. That's OK. Contraception and sexuality are sensitive topics, so it's normal to feel nervous when talking about it, especially with your children. Your kids will probably be nervous and a little uncomfortable talking to you about it too.

If you're reading this it is because you have realized that it's important to talk to your children about contraception and sexuality, to offer them your guidance, and to make sure that they have the information they need to be happy, healthy, and responsible. If you and/or your child are nervous about it, acknowledge your feelings. In the years to come you will both laugh about how nervous you were when talking about sexual health issues. If your children are older, chances are you've already dealt with a lot of sexual topics already - things like body function, nudity, pregnancy, etc.

Here is a good way to start - "I'm really glad we're talking about sexuality because it's important stuff. I don't know about you but I'm a bit nervous. But we need to talk about it. I want you to know what I think and it would be good for me to know how you're feeling about it. I also want to make sure you have all the information you need."

How do you know if you are gay?

Unfortunately there is no test. Sexual orientation is a reflection of your feelings towards other people, be they same or opposite gender, or both. It may be obvious from the start that you are attracted to people of your own gender. However many people do experience a period of confusion.

Sexual orientation does become clearer with time. The important point is not to fear your own feelings. Having had feelings toward a person of your own gender, or an actual encounter, does not label your orientation.

Homosexuality is not a choice, but part of who you are as a person.

How knowledgeable do parents have to be?

There is a whole lot of information about contraception and sexuality that your child will need to know as they grow into fully mature adults. Does this mean that you need to become a "sex expert", ready to provide your child with a wide range of detailed information about all aspects of sexuality? Not at all. Nobody expects you to become an encyclopedia of sexual health. The most important thing is to offer your guidance and to establish an environment of trust and support.

Your main goal at this point shouldn't be to answer every possible question your child might have. Rather, you want to establish a line of communication with your child so that they can be comfortable talking with you, and so they feel that you are supportive rather than confrontational. If you don't know the answer to a question your child asks, don't hesitate to say so. Say you'll find out and get back to them later. Still, it's probably a good idea to try to have some basic knowledge about issues such as contraception, safer sex practices, sexually transmitted infections, and the male and female bodies so that you and your child can discuss sexuality.

Other parts of this site provide detailed information on a wide variety of sexual health topics to help you. In particular, the Teens section is full of experts' answers to some of the most common teen questions.

How long can sperm live outside the body?

The survival of sperm outside the body depends on many factors including the ambient temperature and what it comes into contact with.

In one study, where sperm was left at room temperature in a test tube, only 28% of sperm were moving by 12 hours. Another study found that sperm could survive up to 24-48 hours if left at 23 degrees C (room temperature).

Makler,A et al. Factors Affecting Sperm Motility. I. In Vitro Change in Motility with Time after Ejaculation. Fertlity and Sterility, 31, Feb 1979,147-54

Makler,A et al. Factors Affecting Sperm Motility. VIII. Velocity and Survival of Human Spermatozoa as Related to Temperatures above Zero. Int J Androl, 4, Oct 1981, 559-69

Sperm can however last longer if brought into contact with a woman's reproductive tract (labia, vagina, cervix...).

How long is an egg good for once it is released from the ovary?

When an egg is released from the ovary (ovulation), it is usually picked up by the end of the fallopian tube. This occurs within minutes after ovulation. There are many tiny hairs inside the tube that help sweep the egg along its length. Muscle fibres in the wall of the tube also help move the egg. The egg is in the tube for approximately 80 hours (just over three days) before it enters the uterine cavity. It is while the egg is in the tube that it can be fertilized. If an egg has been fertilized in the tube, it may implant into the uterus 1-3 days after entering the uterine cavity.

The absolute length of time that an egg can be fertilized is unknown, but is thought to be between 12 and 24 hours. This means that even though the egg remains a living cell for longer, it is only able to create an embryo for a short period after being released from the ovary.

By comparison, sperm have a life of up to 7 days, although they are most able to fertilize an egg for the first 2 to 3 days after they are released into the vagina.

If you trimmed your pubic hair would it grow back longer than it was before?

No. The belief that cutting hair makes it grow back faster is a myth. When boys cut facial hair by shaving it seems to grow faster but really it is just the stubble that gives the impression of thicker hair growth.

Is cum healthy to swallow? Will it make you sick?

Cum, or semen, is made up of fluids and sperm. It may have a salty or bitter taste but will not make you sick in small amounts.

But you need to know that viruses can be present in the semen (including hepatitis B and HIV) and if these were to contact any open sores or cuts in your mouth they could cause infection. Herpes (cold sores) from the mouth can infect the penis (or vagina) during oral sex. Because of this risk of transmission of sexually transmitted infections, you might want to avoid getting semen in your mouth and/or use a condom, dental dam, or oral barrier during oral sex.

Is it safe to shave your pubic hair?

Yes. There is no danger to shaving pubic hair. Sometimes if you accidentally nick the gland opening that the hair arises from you may get a local inflammation like a pimple at that site.

Is masturbation normal?

Masturbation (also called self pleasuring, "jerking off", or "playing with yourself") is a personal choice. Some people are comfortable touching themselves and some are not. Both are okay.

Masturbation is a normal activity that people may do alone or with a partner. It involves rubbing or touching your or your partner's body in a way that arouses sexual feelings and might produce an orgasm. Males and females of any age can masturbate.

Masturbation is not harmful. Most people see it as a normal part of sexuality. It can give pleasure, can be relaxing, help you sleep and is an outlet for sexual tension. Masturbating may help to teach you about your own body and learn about where you like to be touched. You may choose to share this information with your partner. If a woman doesn't have orgasms easily, masturbation can help her learn how. Women more commonly experience orgasms through masturbation than through intercourse alone.

Some people do not masturbate because they don't get pleasure from it, or because they are uncomfortable touching their bodies. In some religions, masturbation is not acceptable. All of these choices are normal.

Masturbation is not acceptable if it is done in front of a person who has not wanted or permitted it.

There are a few things to keep in mind to make masturbation safer. Touching genitals with clean hands helps avoid spreading germs. Avoid putting a sharp or unclean object into a vagina or anus because it can cause tearing or infection. Any sex toys that are used during masturbation should not be shared with a partner without being cleaned first.

Parents, how should you give proper information to your children?

Sometimes we think that if we load up our kids with all the proper information, they're bound to make good decisions. It's also easy to think that once our child has made a firm decision, they will always be able to follow through on it. Even if your teen has all the info on sex and is highly motivated to act on a decision you may have helped them to make, there may still be something missing. That something is the behavioural skill needed to act on their decisions.

Being able to communicate about sexuality isn't always easy, but is really important. Let's look at an example to illustrate. Suppose your 16 year-old son has decided that he's not ready to have intercourse with his girlfriend. He may have a good understanding of why he's not ready but he's not sure about how he's going to bring it up and talk about it with his girlfriend who's sending him signals that she does want intercourse. He might be afraid that she will dump him or think that he's not normal for being a guy who doesn't want to have sex. He needs to know what he is going to say and how he's going to say it.

That's the behavioural skill - learning to communicate effectively. Often, young people end up doing things they didn't intend to do because they don't have the behavioural skills to follow through on their decisions. The same thing applies to a whole range of sexual health issues including birth control and condom use. If your son or daughter is going to be sexually active or already is, they need the communication skills to negotiate birth control and condom use with their partners. Perhaps this is something you can help them with by talking about the importance of effective communication. Schools are increasingly involved in helping young people deal with these issues.

Parents, how will your values impact your talk to your children about sexuality?

Before talking with your children about contraception and sexuality, it's a good idea to think about your own views on sexuality issues. This is important when a teenage son or daughter is asking you what you think. If you want your child to speak openly with you about how they're feeling, you should probably be willing to do the same. Be prepared to discuss with your children how you feel about these issues:


  • Dating ("going with", "seeing someone")

  • Contraception for birth control/safer sex

  • Sexuality in relationships

  • Teens having sex

  • Sexual behaviours (masturbation, petting, oral sex, intercourse)

  • Sexual orientation (gay, lesbian, bisexual)

Parents, what do preteens want to know ?

Children who haven't reached puberty yet, or who have just begun puberty are likely to have a lot of questions about sex, their bodies and how things work. For example, they may ask:


  • "How does the sperm get into the egg?"

  • "What's an orgasm?"

  • "How big do penises get?"

  • "What do men and women do in bed?"

  • "What is oral sex?"

  • "What are homosexuals?"

  • "Does sex cause AIDS?"

  • "What is jerking off?"

What are the risks of sexual organ piercing?

There is not much scientific data on this yet, but no doubt this will come as body piercing becomes more prevalent. One of the more common risks would be infection; the genital area is full of bacteria, even in people who are strict about hygiene. Most infections from piercing will be minor, and treatable with antibiotics and/or draining any collection of pus. It would be very rare to have a serious infection that kills skin cells or requires an operation to remove the infected tissue.

Damage to sensitive skin by the piercing can cause scarring or nerve damage, possibly affecting sensation in the area, although proponents of piercing say it can enhance sexual sensation.

Depending on their location, piercings on women generally do not interfere with childbirth. However, it is possible for the baby to be scratched by the device, or for it to be pulled out during delivery. Piercings on the nipple may damage the few milk ducts they pass through, but are unlikely to affect milk delivery as there are many other ducts. The metal could damage the babys mouth and should be removed prior to feeding.

Other risks could include injuries during sexual activity, or the piercing getting caught on something or lost. Though some of these scenarios may seem far-fetched, unpredictable and strange things do happen occasionally!

What is an oral dam?

Also known as a dental dam, an oral dam is a barrier made out of latex, a condom or plastic wrap that will help reduce the spread of bodily fluids during oral sex. These can be used when performing oral sex on the anal or vaginal area. When performing oral sex on a male, using a regular condom on the penis is the recommended method.

Its very simple to make an oral dam out of a regular male latex condom: simply cut the closed end off the condom leaving a latex tube, then cut down the length and unroll it to make a rectangle. Dental dams can also be purchased on the internet.

Why are some people gay, lesbian, or bisexual? If I am, how can I find the support and services I might need?

No one knows for sure why some people are attracted to people of the same sex. Sexual orientation is a complex issue. Different people may be attracted to the same sex for different reasons.

Some people who are gay, lesbian or bisexual say that they have always felt attracted to members of the same sex. Others say they became aware of these feelings when they were teenagers or young adults.

Some scientists believe there may be biological or physical factors. Being gay, lesbian or bisexual is also called having "same sex feelings" or a "same sex orientation."
People are not attracted to the same sex because they:


  • were raised a certain way by their parents

  • are mentally ill

  • are abnormal in some way.



Gays, lesbians and bisexuals may have feelings of confusion or fear. They worry that family and friends will reject them or keep them at a distance. It is important to remember that people with a same sex attraction can and do lead happy healthy lives.

If you are lesbian, gay or bisexual, you may find it helpful to meet others with a same sex orientation. For example, you can join a gay or lesbian club or organization. You may also check with social services to see if they offer support services that are gay, lesbian, and bisexual positive. Building these relationships can make you feel less alone. You may also be a source of support to someone else.

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