Condom falls out of your sons jacket

You pick up your teenage son’s jacket which he threw in the middle of the floor as he rushed upstairs. A condom falls out. Your son has his first serious girlfriend and they have been spending a lot of time alone together.

Before deciding what you want to do, first - check out your feelings. Parents who have experienced this situation report different feelings which include surprise, uncertainty, disappointment, relief, anger.

To help you decide what you might want to do, here are some SUGGESTIONS. Your response will depend on your feelings, values and the kinds of discussions you have had in the past.

You might decide to talk to your son. Before you start, decide what message you want to give.

Do you want to tell him:

• that if he is having sex you are pleased that he is being responsible?
• that you are concerned that he is too young to have sex?
• that you are worried that he may get involved in a pregnancy or get a disease?
• that you are disappointed that he appears to be going against your values?

“A condom fell out of your pocket when I picked up your jacket from the floor. I don’t know why you have it but I feel this would be a good time to talk. I find it difficult to talk comfortably about this stuff but I care about you and it is part of my job as a parent to be sure ” -

• you have the information you need if you are having sex or plan to have it in the future.
• you don’t make mistakes I did because no one had talked to me.
• you don’t feel pressured into doing anything you aren’t sure you want to do yet.

QUESTIONS you might want to think about might include:

• Is my son really having sex or does he have a condom for another reason - perhaps to play a joke on a friend?
• If he is having sex, does he really want to or does he think he has to in order to please his girlfriend or be able to tell his friends that he has “done it”?
• If he is having sex, does he know how to use a condom properly?
• Why would my son go against my values? He knows I think that sex should be saved for marriage.