Sexuality and U
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Sexual Health

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Coming Out

 

It used to be that gay people kept their sexual orientation secret until they were adults, and sometimes even for their whole lives. Thankfully, things aren’t still like that today. More and more gay people feel comfortable revealing their homosexual orientation (to come out) to their parents, other family members or friends. If you’re pretty sure you’re gay, the big questions you face are: who to tell? And when and how to tell them?

Before taking the plunge, consider the following questions:

  1. Are you sure you’re gay?
    If you’re not sure, it’s better to wait until you have a more solid sense of your sexual orientation.
  2. Are you able to take criticism or initial rejection?
    The person you’re coming out to may need time to absorb the information. Instant approval is nice (and sometimes you’ll get it), but you need to prepare yourself emotionally for a less-than-enthusiastic response.
  3. Do you feel pressured to come out? Is this really your decision?
    Although coming out is a liberating experience (sometimes only in the long run) for most people, there’s no rule that says you have to come out. Follow your own instincts and if you want to come out, only do it when you’re really ready.

  • Why are some people gay, lesbian, or bisexual? How do you know if you are gay?

    Being gay, lesbian or bisexual is also called having "same sex feelings" or a "same sex orientation." No one knows for sure why some people are attracted to people of the same sex. Sexual orientation is a complex issue. Different people may be attracted to the same sex for different reasons. Some people who are gay, lesbian or bisexual say that they have always felt attracted to members of the same sex. Others say they became aware of these feelings when they were teenagers or young adults. Some scientists believe there may be biological or physical factors. People are not attracted to the same sex because they were raised a certain way by their parents, are mentally ill or are abnormal in some way.

    Gays, lesbians and bisexuals may have feelings of confusion or fear. They worry that family and friends will reject them or keep them at a distance. It is important to remember that people with a same sex attraction can and do lead happy healthy lives. If you are lesbian, gay or bisexual, you may find it helpful to meet others with a same sex orientation. For example, you can join a gay or lesbian club or organization. You may also check with social services to see if they offer support services that are gay, lesbian, and bisexual positive. Building these relationships can make you feel less alone. You may also be a source of support to someone else.

    Unfortunately there is no test. Sexual orientation is a reflection of your feelings towards other people, be they same or opposite gender, or both. It may be obvious from the start that you are attracted to people of your own gender. However many people do experience a period of confusion. Sexual orientation does become clearer with time. The important point is not to fear your own feelings. Having had feelings toward a person of your own gender, or an actual encounter, does not label your orientation. Homosexuality is not a choice, but part of who you are as a person.

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